i wanna fly into this beautiful life, i think itd be nice with you.

i have had the urge, all day, to write a blog.
why for? who knows.

this year has been the greatest learning experience. if i could state all the valuable lessons i have learnt about life and people and everything, i would be here for days. but the greatest lesson i have learnt is in all circumstances
cling to god.

i would not have made it through this year without him. everyday something happens that reminds me of my constant need for a saviour.
i have been through some of the most challenging seasons of my life but looking back now, god was holding my hand the whole way through.

i think it is said so often and too often taken lightly, but i seriously love my jesus.

i am convinced that God has gifted us all with our own unique ways to escape the limitations and expections of reality and grasp a fresh perspective of our world. He gives us the ability to take a step backward and distance ourselves in order to step closer; the ability to lose ourselves, forget everything and focus on the joy he brings us in the moment itself. He takes us, each individually, to a realm where his voice is amplified above all else, a place where there is nothing between ourselves and him. In the depths of the complexity within our minds, this is where we find rest for our souls and capture new hope for the future.

For some it is running, sailing, snowboarding, rock climbing, skating, cooking, playing sport, reading, or making music. For others it is exporing, photography, sewing, scrapbooking or collecting.

But for me it is dancing, painting and sketching. it is surfing, being out in the water, It is taking long walks or lying down in the grass. it is singing at the top of my lungs when no one can hear me. it is writing and it is (don't laugh) cleaning the kitchen.

Dont ignore or put aside what you love or what you find relaxing. Everyday, allow yourself to enter into that zone of rest and freedom. Dont be afraid to withdraw and spend time alone for that is when God speaks.

Fibbs Wintley says that:

"it is in the quiet crucible of your personal life that your nobelist dreams are born and God's greatest gifts are given"

Dont look at the things that make you happy and render them powerless, useless or unessecary. God did not grant to you the desires of your heart merely as time wasters.

Garry Mac wrote that:

"REST IS WHERE CREATIVITY AND PRODUCTIVITY ARE INCUBATED"

i used to openly confess my hatred for flowers.
but spring has changed my ways.
my garden is full of colour, and i looooove it. in fact i beg mum not to mow the lawns so i can lie among the daisies and dandy lions and sunbathe.

i know, thats pretty girly.
but i still hate roses. so its allgood.

the picture is lame but i lold at the gingers do have souls part.

this weekend was tops.

this will probably be one of the cheesiest blogs you will ever read but whats life without a bit of cheese?

anyway, these last couple of months have been pretty hard. and i was getting caught up with life and everything was going wrong. i would get hurt from just the tinyest things ever. and i felt like i was just getting messed around unnessecarily.
it was dumb. but dont worry, the story gets better...
up until maybe two years ago i had always had this fear of the sea and like waves and stuff. i never made a big deal about it i just wouldnt go to the beach or anything.
so then i decided that in order to completely conquer my fear i would learn to surf, and ride upon the very thing that i was afraid of.
on saturday i went to taylor's mistake with kryder and c love. kryder's board had a hole in it so we had to share the fush. you may ask why i bothered to share that with you? well, my friend, that was a very key bit of information because it meant that there were times in which i was without a surfboard. and in those times i was thoroughly enjoying seeing how far i could make it out to sea on foot. the waves were legit two metres high, so as you can guess, i was packing myself. when i started out, i was getting thrown about something shocking. the waves were picking me up then dumping me down; i was getting owned. but then i learnt not to let the waves push me about or become a setback in my path but to swim underneath them.

lets just say that nothing beats the feeling of standing there, as a two metre wave rolls towards you and knowing that, with God, you can take it.

in those moments God began to speak to me. he showed me in a practical way that i can stand firm and know that i will be okay. he taught me not to run away from trouble but to dive through in order to make a clean escape with no harm done haha.
now when i am confronted with trials or hardships i know that i can take them on without letting them throw me about or push me backwards.

it was such a great exerience.

and it was ironic that vision sunday was all about waves and surfing. slash it wasnt irony, it was purely jesus.

i am pumped about my future. legit. i had a plan, a great one. but yesterday, my mindsets were challenged. and it was actually in rocket that God showed me some key things that i had left out of my plan. my two biggest passions in life i had actually rendered un-practical and impossible. however, i realised that God uses passion, in fact hes the reason i have. so i went back and re-worked my plan. but it will always remain in pencil because who actually knows where God wants to take me?

chow.
did i really just write chow? wow.
p.s that rhymed.

its simple..

beggers can't be choosers

but then what if theres nothing to choose from?

i can hear the footsteps of my king
i can hear his haertbeat beckoning
in my darkness he has set me free
now i hear his spirit calling me
hes calling
wake up child
its your time to shine
you were born for such a time as this.

at arms reach.

these past couple of days have been some of the best of my life.

it all started on thursday when i went to the dentist. despite the intense pain i get in my jaw i flippen love the dentist. the right side of my face, right up to my ear was completely numb. it was hilarious. the bus driver thought i was mental cos i kept prodding my face and cracking up laughing. i think i was dribbling the whole way skating to the rocket girls hangout. rainbow cupcakes and playing fairies is a great way to spend an afternoon. and then hanging out with boost girls before elevate is always a thrill. black ops didnt win a single thing at tribal wars but its was mean nevertheless.
friday was great. i spent the day at the offices just loving life. then the bonfire was seriously tops, from catching roosters to spending at least an hour tryna catch a sheep. after everyone left we re-stoked the fire and slept right beside it. if i could, i would do that every night.
and saturday, where do i start? we got up, returned the sheep to its paddock, went for a bike ride, hungout with fifty piglets, played in a hay stack for ages, played hide and seek in the long grass, karly gave cass and i driving lessons, then we spent 3 hours in a de-flating blow up 2 person canoe getting lost in a cow pat infested stream. ohhh joy. and it wouldnt be a day well spent in the country without hitching a ride on the back of someones ute afterward. in the evening i went to one of jems shows. it was lol. and then i got to go on one of those wheelie circus things. twas greeeat. ive always wanted to join a circus.

aaaaaand to top things off, i now have flights to cambodia.

oh hello tuesday. i feel like you are the start of something big.

lolololololol.

i really enjoy being 15. i always have a fat lol at how teenager-ish slash silly life can get. its pretty much one big fat joke. one day im loving life, the next day im hating it cos i think i have no friends, then the next im loving it again. its pretty great. i dont want to turn 16. 15 is where its at.

every morning that i wake up in my cosy bedroom to the sun beaming through my window,
she wakes up in her cage and is forced to face the tragic reality that is her life.

stretch and shrink.

sometimes its just nice to have sometime to talk to about how your day went. i'm gonna be honest, some more friends right now would be tops.


on a brighter note, alex and i owned up at our clowning assessment on thursday. stretch and shrink for the win.

its weird to think that after 11 more days of school i will only have one more year until i go to uni.
its also weird to think that ill be starting uni when im 16, if all goes to plan.

we underestimate just how difficult society makes it for everyone to assert their individuality. seriously, i don't know about you but i'm sick of having to conform to everyone else's ways. i think for a lot of people its just become second nature. we do it even with the smallest of things. think about it, but don't think too hard cause thats what i did. god made us all different for a reason. into every life he injected different parts of himself. i hate that society can define whose cool and whose not. the coolest thing a person can do is stand out and be themselves.

"if i'm tryna be everyone else, whose tryna be me?"

i first read that quote and was like pfff i'm allgood, like i'm fully not trying to be anyone else. but if you think right down to the roots, the very core of who we are and why we do what we do a lot of it is actually for people.

i'm on a mission to find out what living out a life that doesn't care what anyone thinks actually means.

celebrety crush.

weeelll i wouldn't call it a crush, but ive spent this whole afternoon watching videos of willow smith. seriously that girl has got swag. if i was black i would wear clothes like her.
and as annoying as it is, im a secret sucker for her music. classsic whip my hair.
i want my kids to grow up and be as cool as her.

lolololololololololol

if william wilberforce can see the end of the slave trade, why cant i see to the end of sex trafficking?

cambodia: see you in may.

i
cant
wait
to
be
a
crazy
old lady.

i like orange. but i dont like temporary fillings that taste toxically of chai.



i have been reading garry mac's book, seven pillars of wisdom. seriously so great.

REST

i'm also learning to master time.

yesterday i sat in the van, on the edge of a cliff overlooking a river. directly in front of me was a great snowy mountain. and i just sat there in the bed i had made in the back with unnessecary amounts of pillows and blankets, reading and watching the rain and snow fall around me.
i am at PEACE







there is a bike i really really want to buy. its vintage and lemon and it has a great basket on the front that i would fill with happy things.
but im tossing up whether it is more important than buying a laptop. which is pretty important. but a bike would be great.
who knows?



Today i sat down and wrote down all of my dreams. it was the best thing. i get pumped when i try to create a picture of my future but know that god has further more in store.








jesus came to end all striving.
i am finally figuring out the difference between the new and the old covenant.

naice.

i have been having a really hard time at school this year, with friends and what not. i feel like the devil has just tried to attack one of the only attackable parts of my life.
but recently i came to know the importance of praising God in all circumstances. nothing externally has changed yet. but everything internally has.

YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH
im happy.

i hate to be a negative nigel buut there are several things in life that i would go as far as to say that i hate.

i hate bunches of flowers.
i hate crowds.
i hate unresolved problems.
i hate new cars.
i hate disorganisation.
i hate spontaneity.
i hate texting.
i hate having short hair.
i hate negative comments.
i hate sarcasm.
i hate maths.
i hate missing out.
i hate bad grammar.

BUT i love hairspray, and all other musicals except for jesus christ superstar.
i also love singing at the top of my lungs. and speaking in different accents.
i love writing essays.
i love painting.
i love learning (everthing except maths)
i love talking.
i love drives home with karly ryder and jess cavanagh.
i love world cup fever.
i love going on long pointless and unnessecary walks.
i love writing blogs and not caring whether anyone will read them or not.

i was just admiring how brave it was of emma steer just to cut her ponytail off and thinking that i would never be brave enough to do it to mine...nek minnit.

God's picture.

they say if you are painting from a picture that you should turn both your canvas and the photo upside down so you become less attached to the thing as a whole and instead focus on getting the details exactly perfect.

you
cried
wolf.

my hands have got cramps

i woke up this morning at 8 and didnt stop playing till 12.

i had to go pick up six wedding bouquets today for a photoshoot they are having at mums work. i was walking round the great town of rangiora with lots of flowers and it made me think; i could totally picture myself being a wedding planner one day, or an events manager or something.
you know how you see those movies with the chicks that hustle roung the big city always on their phones organising stuff? i could totally do that.
only for a bit though. i know god has bigger plans for me.
and besides, i couldnt handle being that busy my whole life.
but itd definately be fun.