Its taken me this long to come to grips with what just happened. Seeiously I don't think there are any words that could do justice to the way God showed up at camp.

I had a picnic with quite of the few key chch girls yesterday and honestly, hearing the way they spoke to each other and the testimonies they all shared, I was blown away. Like I was honestly speechless. Then God asked me " why are you so surprised? Isn't this what you expected? And I realized, I had expected the good times, the fat wahs, the Jesus encounters, the worship, I had expected the life change. But what I didn't expect was the aftermath. Honestly, these girls are not letting go. They are clinging to their testimonies and determined not to look back.

This is a movement.

For me, god used camp to tweak some stuff that I hadn't realized were such a big deal and I'm so thankful for that. But above everything else he reminded me that I'm part of a family. And boy what a sweet family it is. I had a fat cry leaving camp on Friday. Saying goodbye to Levi was what set me off. And then it all flew from there. The tears were rolling. Bri foote thanks heaps for chatting to me that night, even though there weren't many words exchanged, you helped me put things into perspective. Amber, that last night was insane. Helene I miss you like crazy. And meesh, your visit is eagerly awaited.

The last 24 hours of camp were hilariously emotional: there were tears of intense laughter, tears of tiredness, tears from saying goodbye, tears of thankfulness and of joy, tears from tryna be strong on the ferry. Honestly. The most crack up times of my life.

Jo Weatherhead; I could not have done it without you.

I'm pumped to do life with you this year.

I also remember this time at camp when I was just having a wee moment with Jesus and trace came up to me and said "Liss, you keep feeling like you're lost, but god has never left you" honestly that is the most simple knowledge ever, but the amount of times I've had to re tell myself that since camp have been numerous.

It takes one moment for me to go from loving life to having a 'Wah what the heck am I doing with my life moment' but seriously, god is good amen!

Heh.

I am so pumped for all the little nuggets of goodness god will give me at camp next week that'll help me own this year.

And I'm even more pumped that he's got nuggets of goodness for everyone. Bro.

2 more flippen sleeps.

So I spent some time the other night just getting pumped about camp and as I was reading through my journal from last year I came across something I had totally forgotten about!

At camp last year God gave me this sweet sweet vision that legit blew me away. Like I remember just falling on my knees doing those fat ugly sobs with like snot dripping everywhere kinda thing afterwards. The vision started out really clearly with two hands cupped together. As they opened up a little butterfly flew out. Cute times. The butterfly flew beautifully until it began picking up specks of dirt on its wings and stuff and began to get tired. Then all of a sudden this torrential rain came down until the butterfly fell down under its weight and into the arms that originally held it.

At first I was like well "what a happy little story" kinda thing and didn't really take it seriously. But then God spoke to me and it was probably one of the top ten clearest times I've heard his voice. He explained to me that the butterfly was me (heh surprise surprise) and that this year there would be times when I'm the flying through life, on top of the world but along the way I'd get discouraged and get wary etc etc and then he will send down his glory and rather than resisting it, I can just fall straight into his arms and get lost in him.

And honestly, nothing defines last year better than that picture right there.

I am so excited for aummercamp you wouldn't believe. Like I could honestly wet myself. No joke.

He said:

"Larissa, don't forget why you are here"

And it hit me like a million bricks falling from the sky.

Every night I stare at the list of dreams that hangs on the wall in front of my bed knowing that none of them would be even the slightest bit possible without Jesus holding my hand. Each one of them scares me. Terrifies me in fact. But not in a bad way, more like in a way that makes me more eager to see them come to pass. Even the normal ones like 'have a beautiful happy marriage' shows me that I can't do this life alone, that I'm just human. I slip up everyday but I am so so grateful for a God of grace. A God that doesn't look at me and sees a hopeless mess but a God that looks at me and sees a world changer and gives me the chance to be one. Regardless of how often I doubt, he has a plan for me to see me prosper. Sometimes I lose sight of this plan. Its so easy to become so engrossed in momentary circumstances but He reminded me that I am here for a purpose.